PRECEDENT!

Because there's already sin taxes (though I doubt that specific term is still applied to the taxations in question) on alcohol and tobacco products, a great deal of revenue could be obtained by taxing foods high in cholesterol, salt, and various unhealthy and refined items -- or at the very least fast food items. The revenue obtained could easily go toward a funding a public health plan, or at the very least expanding Medicare. Of course, I would also argue that the taxes derived from tobacco and alcohol should, for the most part, be going toward the collective health pot.

I'm not suggesting an outrageous tax here; even something like 3% of the product's cost before sales tax would likely bring in a fair amount of money. The low rate would ensure companies would still see business while still providing a healthful reminder. If companies started to panic, I would simply point out the profits of the tobacco industry despite the extra cost of their product and its obviously ramifications to one's health.

Determining what would and wouldn't qualify would be difficult, because money and politics so easily ruins the soup. I suppose that's why I suggest the fast food industry takes the first hit (probably along with frozen, pre-packaged meals with levels of sodium/saturated fat/cholesterol/transfat/so on also taking a hit: suck on that, Hungry Man): it's pretty easy to agree that the majority of Burger King's/McDonald's/Arby's/Pizza Hut's/Whoever's menus list unhealthy dietary options as the majority.

For my mother's birthday (coming up on Saturday), I bought her a 28-piece Deluxe Wilton cake decorating tip set and a large bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin. I honestly think the two go together really well.

( Indian Dish I )

Last night I caught the first instalment of "This Emotional Life" on PBS. I enjoyed it to the point of feeling pity for Chevy Chase, whom I've always thought guilty of being kind of a dick. Apparently he doesn't (or didn't) have a lot of friends, and I know that can be difficult to deal with, and it can also contribute to making you more of a prick. I wonder if the series is a social experiment, because I know I really wanted to reach out to friends and family upon viewing. My other gut instinct while watching was to hug approximately 85% of the people being interviewed, because at some points they REALLY looked like they needed a hug. A good deal of the information presented on the show isn't new, but it's fascinating to see faces and stories attached to research and statistics.

For anybody who missed the fist instalment, I believe PBS is doing an encore presentation on Saturday at noon, then another at 5:00 pm (Eastern).

New Years Resolutions:

• Try 26 new Indian recipes this year. I phrased it this way because there is no way in fuck I am cooking in July and August.


• Buy a car. It's more a goal than it is a resolution, but I kind of don't give a shit.


• Take better care of myself in general. Healthier diet (because most people feel less like death when they're eating properly), more physical activity, and some way to reduce my stress levels are included in this particular resolution.


• Finish ONE project I've already outlined.


• Drink more. Socially, I mean -- not by myself while I'm sitting in front of the computer and wishing for a Boeing 747 to crash into my bedroom.


• Make a greater effort to explore, adventure, and maybe start a savings account for a trip to Ireland.


• Act smug because my cat is named after two awesome scientists (Newton Nikola).

( CRIKEY! I haven't filled out my 'My Year in Review' survey since 2004 (New Years Eve). )

A member at a message board I used to post at posed the following scenario:

You are the only human left on Earth, against an insurmountable horde of zombies (read: everyone else on the planet). You are going to die, but you won't go down so easily! Choose a weapon, location to make the stand, and background music.

5 and a half months later, I finally know my answer.

Weapon: Louisville Slugger
Location: Mackinac Bridge*
Song: "Kiss With a Fist" - Florence + the Machine


*Preferably in the front passenger seat of a red convertible driven by Zachary Quinto, who is magically not a zombie, with Chris Pine screaming (because I'm pretty sure he's actually a wimp) in the backseat and ALSO magically not a zombie.

FACT: my excitement over substituting for my old teachers is always ridiculously high, even at 4 o'clock in the morning. Fortunately, the my latest tour in subbing for old teachers did not transpire thanks to an early morning call.

I wonder if this enthusiasm has anything to do with my affection for examination/tests/whatever? (Totally rhetorical)

Kind of awesome moment from subbing: one of the students from a class I had subbed for in mid-November remembered me as being a cool sub when I was in for one of his classes on Friday. The only bad thing about my Friday job (the teacher even left really good notes AND had assigned seats -- all of which I adore) is the pay: three-quarters of the day for only half the pay. Oh, well; win some, lose some. All in all it was a good experience and I got to go in at half-past ten.

Yesterday, on a whim, I went to the Wayne State University website and visited their School of Library and Information Science page. They're one of the few schools in the state offering advanced degrees in LIS, and I had kind of wanted to go to Wayne State after finishing up with Oakland -- either for my law degree or my MLIS. Financially that possibility was not very realistic, just because I doubt I could afford going to school and living on campus even with the copious financial aid I tend to receive. Then there's the issue of not having a car (may Vlad rest in peace, or assuming the Mother Waddles people could fix him, may he still tool around Detroit in awesomeness), something I would probably need, considering the poor public transportation system in the city, to get around to subbing jobs.

Anyway, shortly after my arrival I discovered the school now offers an ONLINE MLIS option. It is so much more affordable than the University of Wisconsin's online MLIS option. I think I'm going to apply for Wayne State's program this spring.

The downside of this? Why do all of the schools I go to insist on horribly school colours and mascots? Now, Oakland's old mascot, the pioneers, was considerably more awesome than their current golden grizzlies. Sure, it might be kind of awkward to dress up as a sail and zoom around our side of the court at basketball games, but I think it would throw the other team off and ensure victory. If they had to change the mascot to something more conventional, why couldn't we have been the golden cougars, the golden retrievers, or anything cooler than a grizzly? I'm just not into bears. Oakland has Wayne state on the school colour issue: gold and black is A STEP above gold and green. The Warriors are a bit more impressive in the mascot range, but it feels like a cheap rip-off of the MSU Spartans.

Also: do any schools use the lemur as their mascot? Because that would be pretty badass...

Anyway, I keep telling myself these are trifling matters I shouldn't concern myself with. But seriously, is it so much to ask for a cool animal to go along with red and silver, or purple and silver, or purple and red, or really any colour I like a lot SOMEWHERE in the mix? COME ON! Red is the colour of blood! And you could make a similar argument about blood with little oxygen on purple's behalf.

The elementary school teacher I was subbing for called about twenty minutes ago and cancelled on me. I am pretty bummed, and not just because this kind of screws me over for a decent job tomorrow.

Tomorrow I get to substitute for a fourth grade class, and I'm actually pretty excited about it. I'm sure the story will be different tomorrow afternoon at quarter to four, but for the time being my enthusiasm is up. I'm hoping the teacher isn't going to have insanely concrete plans for the kids, because I definitely want at least twenty minutes to play "Seven Up" and additional time to read them a story or two. Or eight. I also want to play a free and simplified version of balderdash with them, because I can actually spin that as an educational activity.

ALSO: there needs to be at least ONE rousing chorus of "Great Big Globs of Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts." I wonder if that song is even still allowed in schools? It is kind of a primer for aspiring sociopaths...

Anyway, the only thing that could have made this better is the job being at my old elementary school. Sure, I get to see my old school any time I vote, but it would have been exciting to go there as a teacher (and I use the term lightly). OH, being at 100% health would also have contributed to making this more fun. At this point my cold is a mildly stuffy nose and occasional disgusting coughs, so the kids will be reminded to wash their hands frequently and my hands will stink of waterless hand sanitizer. Still, I think everybody will make it out without contracting typhoid fever.

Regretsy, which notabadcat introduced me to, is quickly becoming my most loved website EVER due to things like this: The Bare Necessities... (NSFW) There is so much more delight to be held there.

Top Five Six Favourites, in no particular order:
1. Kentucky Frilled Chicken
2. M.J. the Magical Dragon
3. JESUS CHRIST
4. Welcome, Spring!
5. Is Your Cat Horrified? NO? Let's Fix that!
6. Mounted Stuff is Automatically Classy (NSFW)

After realising fully how insane Etsy was (magically, that managed to escape me for some time), I did a few searches of my own and found some of the greatest things known to man. The highlight of my search was probably this: Jingle Balls, Jingle Balls! (Possibly NSFW) Incidentally, I sung the song "jinky balls, jinky balls" in my childhood. And last week. I kind of have the feeling I need to knit some of those fantastic pieces for some of my guy friends; So I can say, "everybody north of the Mason-Dixon line is getting a willie warmer for Yulemas!" I think they'll be a much bigger hit than the scarves I make.

I like clicking through various LiveJournal links based on funny comments, interesting community posts, and hilarious avatars. It's a lot like dating in the sense that you can be attracted to something initially only to find out the person in question is an idiot/insane/annoying/conservativeand more upon further inspection. THANKFULLY, LiveJournal is not like an actual date because there is no restaurant and -- more importantly -- no actual face time.

In honour of Liz Lemon, here are some of my Deal Breakers: Twitter feed, WeIrD pAtTeRnS, uncalled for text alterations in typeface, size and colour for an entire journal entry (THERE ARE JOURNAL SETTINGS FOR A REASON) that almost certainly look just... awful... when I'm reading my page (also: rainbow paragraphs are actually KIND of lame and thanks for giving me a seizure), dramatic user information (i am a delicate flower, make it fast when you stomp my petals), self-inserted advertisements (buy my book/knitting patterns/photographs/art), famewhores (I have the mostest LJ friends ever! I decided to create a community for them, because they all have ME in common!), daily pictorials of the user in the same position and with the same expression, and now mention of NaNoWriMo.

Honestly, my aversion to National Novel Writing Month is pretty great. There is just something about NaNoWriMo that makes me cringe. I suspect that cringe-worthy something has an awful lot to do with how so many people treat the novel writing challenge as not just serious business, but super serious business. Some of my opinion might also be based upon how many spr srs NaNoWriMo writers pimp their fanfiction.net accounts while boasting the completion of chapter 10.

ALSO: I kind of dislike a lot of the reviewers (again, so cereal) on bookish, but I like seeing what people are reading and being introduced to new material.

You damn kids get off my lawn!

My focus has been completely shot for the past couple of days, but today's lack of attention is just ridiculous. It's starting to get unbearably frustrating.

The computer I'm using is the only computer I've ever owned. I bought The Beast, as it is affectionately called, in July of 2001. Several days after my purchase Blink 182 played at the Palace of Auburn Hills -- I didn't go, but I was probably 4 miles away from the event. As is easily surmised, my computer is ancient in the world of technology; and let me tell you, it runs like it's ancient.

I thought I would make some space on my desk (there is probably, oh, 2'x3' of usable space in my room, because of the bed, desk, bookshelves, bureau and idiotic floor plan), because it would be nice not to have a 5.6 million pound monitor (give or take) on the extremely unstable desk. We're talking San Francisco houses pancaking in my Mega Disasters-like earthquakes unstable. I mean, the upper part of the desk leans! When bars that are supposed to be supporting something are designed to go like this ||, it's disturbing when they look more like this //. IN all fairness, they can go the other way too: \\. Versatile, right? Anyway, back to the point: I thought I would create space and a safer computer environment by using my tiny HDTV as a monitor instead.

Well, SCIENCE MEANS NOT ALL DREAMS CAN COME TRUE.

Seriously.

My ancient graphics card attempted to commit seppuku about 7 hours into the experiment, to which I said "DISHONOUR! DISHONOUR ON PROSAVAGE! DISHONOUR, DISHONOUR, DISHONOUR!" It was a disheartening turn of events in an already disheartening experiment. Because even before the graphics card decided to attempt disembowelling itself before admitting defeat, it wouldn't support a widescreen format.

The old monitor is back and the graphics card is feeling foolish, but performing up to expectations.

Hey! And with very minimal cheating.

		I will marry John Oliver.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Chicago, IL in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 3 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Purple Toyota Camry Hybrid.
		I will spend my days as a Novelist, and live happily ever after.

I have such a ridiculously massive crush on John Oliver, and I have for quite some time. I just want to smile admiringly (creepily) at him while he says hilarious things. Actually, he could just talk (perhaps recite, like, my grocery list) and I would be happy. He's just SO adorable.




THAT IS ALL.

Help a lady out here.

If by any chance you know somebody interested in writing and interested in wizards/witches/totally awesome crap, please send them here: Enchanted After All. It's all in good nerdy fun.

ALSO: I totally overheard a lady singing "That's Not My Name" in the sauna on Friday. iPods: they will not help you hear people coming into the locker room. -OR- iPods: you are probably not alone.

To my great joy, I finally had occasion to alter my LiveJournal user information to include my present job. YES. It has been deemed that I am allowed to look after impressionable youths while their teachers are out drinking margaritas and/or projectile vomiting.

I really hope I'll get at least one art day in the elementary school, because art day was undoubtedly the highlight of any given month for most students.

I am seriously looking forward to onslaught of Pam and Jim's wedding avatars that will be springing up soon. The Wedding episode really appealed to the romantic in me. It also appealed to the inner voice that always encourages me to avoid doing the splits... ever.


ALSO:

So, catintheattic, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 27% unique (blame, for example, your interest in zoobing), 16% peculiar, 33% interesting, 19% normal and 5% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy tea). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.

Your overall weirdness is: 51

(The average level of weirdness is: 29.
You are weirder than 87% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

Clearly the entry analysed for writing style was not THIS ONE. At all.

October, otherwise known as the best month of the year, is finally here. In order to ring in the new month, I spent a very long time making pumpkin pasties. My recipe wasn't so much a recipe as it was me guessing, and to my delight the pumpkin pasties turned out really well. Tomorrow I'll finish making the little fuckers (I'm not kidding: it takes a lot of time and effort -- I managed to fill and bake 4, which were all that would fit on my stone, after pretty consistent work on them all day (making pie dough, trimming a pie pumpkin while Newt was trying to scale my face, and so on)) and probably use the left over dough to make spiced apple and pecan pockets.

I hope October in Michigan gets all of the rain out of its system at the start of the month, because I want the weather for Halloween to be perfect. I could settle for overcast on Halloween, I just want the kids to be able to have as much fun as I did when I was younger. Of course, that's pretty wishful thinking when one considers all of the frantic, over protective parents. Any kid will tell you (unless that kid is a loser), trick-or-treating > lame party hosted by school.

In celebration of the season, I'm also burning a ginger pumpkin candle, which sounds strange but smells nice. ALSO: fire.

So, happy October!

I finally updated "Rylie & Liz" yesterday, after about 5 days of having my update topic firmly in mind. Sometimes opening up GIMP just sounds an awful lot like effort. As always, I plan to update "Rylie & Liz with greater frequency; so, we'll see how long that plan lasts.

If you're the sort of person who is pretty into food porn (sure you're just reading it for the recipes...), you might like what you see over at "Vegan Crunk". I no longer recall what I searched Google for that brought me to "Vegan Crunk", but I'm glad I searched the mystery term. Even if all of the recipes aren't posted, you can get a lot of decent ideas for dinners, lunches, and snacks. Also: pictures.

My intention is to round out my accomplishments for the day by finalising my subbing paperwork. I have to make a call, because of course the packet I have is missing something vital to being hired. I think after sending out my paperwork, I will probably have about two weeks of waiting before I can work. I am ridiculously excited about working. At this point I've even started to count chickens before they're hatched! While I have complained in person to several friends about the farming out of subbing jobs, the system will make it easier for me to accumulate jobs -- less personal investment, less potential to play favourites with older subs.

FINALLY: ONLY 36 AND A HALF DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN.

As all of my long-time friends know: I LOVE AUTUMN. Fall is, without competition, my favourite season (followed by spring, winter, and finally summer).

In honour of autumn, I made a root roast on Tuesday night -- sweet potatoes, red skin potatoes, turnip, parsnip, onion, garlic, freshly ground black pepper, sea salt and olive oil with a bunch of fresh kale tossed in toward the end of roasting. The kale should probably have been steamed and then added in about 8 minutes or so before pulling the roots out, but I was lazy and kind of wanted some moderately crisp kale. Regardless, it was the perfect warm, heavy meal to welcome autumn.

The cooler weather of autumn never fails to put me in a better mood, and the arrival of Windows 7 in a month's time is really helping this year. FINALLY I will be able to pick up a laptop, which will allow me to waste my time on the Internet more efficiently tote my computer into spaces more conducive to productivity.

The prospect of working soon also inspires a better general mood, because I do enjoy earning money and finances are going to aid me in shirking the repayment of my student loans. Because students get to defer, and I'm hoping I'll be able to enrol (I'll be honest... I find this British spelling to be awkward) in the School of Library and Information Studies' online program at the University of Wisconsin. Failing UW, I'll apply to Wayne State and see what they can offer me as far as housing deals and campus jobs go. Rambling paragraph short: I'm feeling pretty okay about my options.

ONE.
Today I drove a truck. Not one of those wimpy trucks that are pretty much the same level as a car. Not one of those trucks that are comparable in height from the ground to an SUV. A real truck. I felt like a doll in a Barbie car at first, but eventually I found myself pretty at home behind the wheel of my father's truck. Being at ease in that situation was nice, because he has been known to NEVER let a person forget any fault they might have. He still talks about the time I was 2 years old and crapped myself because he wasn't paying attention. Somehow that's supposed to be a magically embarrassing story for me, but whatever. I got to drive a truck and it was easy.


TWO.
I saw a blue heron spring into flight and relieve itself. Trust me, this merits mentioning for sheer volume alone.


THREE.
I finally cooked decent eggplant, as many of you knew I was intending to do upon reading THIS. I ended up trying the "Very Easy and Addictive Eggplant Chips," in spirit. In actuality I cut the eggplant in eighths of an inch, added a little salt, substituted the tamari for Liquid Bragg (which I reduced to a few sprays), and broiled about two minutes after the accumulated first 20 were up. It was delicious, and I wouldn't change a thing about my alterations, save maybe using about half the salt.

About five minutes ago, while cleaning under my bureau, I unearthed an article of priceless archaeological significance. Not really, but I did find a hilarious sheet of notes that was obviously passed around between a friend and I during class. I don't know the class, and I'm not sure of the friend, but I am positive the note is from my freshman year judging by my handwriting and the friend's impressive grasp of language.

Me: We're going to get in trouble tomorrow!

Friend: so? why do i give a god damn mother fucking son of a bitch cum-licking shit?

Me: because we'll have to sit on opposite sides of the room, you crack sniffer.

Friend: oh fuck.

Actually, upon closer inspection, the note could be from my junior year. I know it's not from tenth or twelfth grade, though. I can even narrow down the classes, which makes me think the culprit year is more likely my junior. The hilarious part? All of the teachers who could have had this hilarity go on under their noses still teach at the high school.

I always want to really like eggplant entrées, but for some reason I never make them very well. I think my most successful use of eggplant was in a moussaka (MOOSE CACA?!) I made 3 years ago, and even then the eggplant portion was the part I was least enthused about. The eggplant itself is not the problem, because I've had delicious eggplant, it's just that I'm awful at preparing it.

Fast forward to yesterday (rewind? I've lost the timing of this): at the farmer's market I found a beautiful eggplant in a really pretty shade of lavender, which inspired me to purchase it. Obviously cuteness/colour is the best reason to purchase something -- the same thing happened with the adorable heirloom cherry tomatoes. NEVER MIND THAT I CONTINUALLY FAIL AT EGGPLANT (MORE LIKE FACE-PLANT, AMIRITE?)

After spending some time at my new favourite recipe source in the eggplant category, I've selected two recipes I want to try: Baked Fried Eggplant and Very Easy and Addictive Eggplant Chips. The first sounds like a veganised version of eggplant parmigiana, which I adore, and I find the use of Italian dressing rather than egg/milk to be intriguing/awesome. The second recipe sounds considerably easier and its newness is attractive. My confidence regarding the second recipe, which I will probably end up going with, is also pretty high.

Also: this Saturday seems really uneventful. I'm guessing the boring, low-key feeling has a lot to do with my past 3 Saturdays being filled with driving (Grand Rapids/Holland, Detroit, Detroit). I'm not complaining about nixing the hours and HOURS in a car, but I would like to do something entertaining and preferably not at the house.

1. If you're on my friends list, I want to know 35 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... you're on my list, so I want to compile a folder detailing minutiae. It's for a good reason, honest.

2. Comment here with your answers and repost the questionnaire on your own journal, IF YOU GIVE A RAT'S ASS OR ANOTHER PORTION OF A RAT'S ANATOMY ABOUT SUCH THINGS.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favourite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favourite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What colour eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favourite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Comment and I will fill out an equally exciting list of question about you! How thrilling:

a) Tell you why I friended you.
b) Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, VEGETABLE, PEBBLE, INSECT, etc.
c) Tell you something I like about you.
d) Tell you a memory I have of you.
e) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you BUT AM TOO ASHAMED TO ASK IN POLITE CONVERSATION. (maybe)
f) Tell you my favourite user pic of yours.

The past week has been surprisingly eventful, but most of the events weren't fairly engaging, which results in a tiring week that is mystifyingly so.

In the past week, I have made the trip to Detroit twice and the trip back from Detroit twice. Three of those times I drove, and the last round trip occurred in a 24-hour time period (meaning about a third of one day was spent on the road). I still hate metro drivers. Detroit. Flint. It honestly does not matter. Suburban drivers still are, for the most part, total dipshits. "I have this righteously awesome idea! LET'S DRIVE 85 MPH AND ONLY LEAVE 3 FEET BETWEEN THE OTHER CARS AND MYSELF! Then we'll drive in clusters of 15 to 30 vehicles and take up all of the lanes on the freeway! TUBULAR!" I just assume most bad drivers use late 80s surfing lingo to express themselves.

On Wednesday I spent most of my time at the hospital; my father had surgery to remove bone spurs from his heel and to replace part of his eroded Achilles tendon with a tendon from his big toe. Because people tend not to tell me anything, I had no idea the surgery would take the better part of 3 and a half hours. I would have stayed the entire time regardless, but it would have been nice to know while I was sitting in the waiting area.

On the plus side of the time spent in the surgical waiting area, I did get to witness a completely fucking crazy woman, who will one day become one of my secondary characters. She and her husband were complete assholes, and I'm not exaggerating. They were acting dippy to start with, he was answering the phone in the waiting area (which he was not supposed to do) and sitting behind the desk while she pranced about him and suggestively all but shouted "OOO CAN I SIT IN YOUR LAP?" He wasn't too thrilled with her, but she was very thrilled with him. She kind of flipped out when she couldn't spend the first first fifteen minutes of the surgical process (evaluation, slipping into the lovely hospital nightie) him. The woman kept trying to get past the volunteers, then she decided she wanted to watch Fox News because it at least had "half truths," and she watched C-SPAN (not that she knew the channel's name... at all... or could provide specific references) so she knew every other news agency in the world was like the "opposite news!" I made the mistake of catching another woman's eyes, and we almost burst out laughing at the crazy lady's display, because it was most definitely meant as a show for everybody.

Other than the driving and the various times spent at the hospitals, it seems like I spent a lot of time picking blueberries. The last day I picked blueberries was fantastic! The guy at the stand out front did not really seem to care where I went, so I found a gloriously unpicked row. It was a bit like walking through a blueberry jungle, but the picking was easy and I only had to go down about a third of the row to fill my pail. The first day of picking blueberries I'll make a separate entry for, because it was mildly hilarious.

Finally, last week was exciting, even though I had plenty of chore-like activities to do, because I had the house to myself. There wasn't any smoking, snoring (at least, there wasn't any for me to hear...), Food Network shows, or 9&10 News. I got to make dinner when I felt like it and I even rented scary films for a mini-marathon. I love living by myself. LOVE.

I just sent this message to notabadcat:

I'm really hoping we'll be able to catch each other sometime when you're online/not sleeping/not working/not beating teenagers and I'm not driving to/from Detroit, trying desperately not to beat Newt, doing laundry (as Newt thought it would be an AWESOME idea to pee (I don't think I would call it "puddling," but perhaps "laking" or even "oceaning") on my leg, while I was in bed sleeping), spending time at the hospital, fighting the desire to slowly shake Newt until he fucking learns to use a goddamn litter box, or trying to contain my rage to avoid throwing Newt into Lake Michigan... because - quite frankly - it's weird not talking about boy on boy with you at least once a week.

Honestly, "pissed ON" might be better phrasing for my current mood.

While dinking around over at Facebook, I found this little gem: a Praying for the Muslim World event. The event page was inspired by this bullshit: 30 Days of Prayer Network. It's hilariously stupid and arrogant. However, who can't laugh about the new, shiny virtual crusades? Because obviously being a total prat and assuming your religion is the bestest, number one coolest, truthiest religion EVER is definitely not a way to alienate people. At all.

I'm tempted to join just post to the event's wall, "this is SUCH an awesome joke, guys. I lol'ed for five minutes at your brilliant satirising of Holy Rollers!"

This really makes me wish a group of Muslims would create a similar event during Lent: pray for the Christians... that they may accept the true religion and God.

Just imagine the uproar and indignation.

Thinking on it, I'm sure there is such an event. I'm apparently just not cool enough to have religious nuts from religions other than Christianity and Paganism on my friends list. Obviously I need to broaden my horizons.

As a child I was really interested in "The Great Mouse Detective," which I saw only once at my aunt's house. I loved the name Basil and the dark, foggy, London mysteriousness. I certainly could not tell you what the film was about, but the visuals have still remained firmly engrained. I suspect my memory was robbed by the mystery of Scotland Yard.

For the longest time I thought Scotland Yard was filled with Scottish people who solved mysteries. I associated the Scottish with tartan and detectives/law enforcement. The Scottish, in my book, were clever badasses. Eventually the veil was lifted and the wonder of Scotland Yard was no more. My opinion of the Scottish eventually fell, too -- simply because of the whole "lawl Northern England" thing the Lowlanders dug during the days of empire. "Repreeeessss! Repress, repress, REEEEEEPREEEEESSSSSS! Other cultures! AFRICA! IRELAND! Even that of our fellow Scots in the Highlands!"

I still find it disappointing that Scotland Yard is not an enclave of Scottish crime solvers. From the highlands.

When I was younger (we're talking maybe 11 years old) I made the mistake of reading a book on the paranormal while in bed. The book, which I checked out from the local library, promised to be kind of scary with its purported accounts of real ghostly encounters. I did not get past the introduction, because there were several paragraphs about ghosts having sex with people while they were sleeping. Horrified, I feel asleep with my knees locked together in order to make sure a ghost did not get it on with me in the wee hours of the night.

My rationality kicked in a few nights later and my anxiety about ghost peen diminished.

All these years later, I sometimes still get weirded out while undressing. Not because I'm worried a ghost is waiting to pounce. I honestly don't even know where I am with ghosts and the paranormal; I'm not rational enough to dismiss the concept completely, but so much of the "evidence" and "experience" is difficult for me to swallow because of my fondness for SCIENCE. Regardless of logical thought processes, possibly because I'm human, I can sometimes give myself a pretty convincing line of mental what-ifs.

Now, I cannot be the only person who occasionally falls victim to entertaining very mild paranoia of POSSIBLY being watched during private times by ghosts. Even if you have convinced yourself that ghosts do not exist, I think the human mind really easily jumps to the potential for weird/scary/awkward situations.

What's worse is when you filter in all the stories you grew up with about so and so watching over you. Then, when in a very imaginative mood, it is so easy to stumble over "HOLY SHIT I DON'T WANT MY GRANDFATHER TO WATCH ME HAVE SEX WITH SOME DUDE." Not that I think he would watch it, but what if he popped in accidentally and caught an eyeful? He was a reasonable dude, ran a library, bought me a lot of nice books when I was really little, and definitely not the type to get all worked up about the normal processes humans go through. That does not make the idea any less awkward.

If there are ghosts, there should be some sort of ghostly code of ethics/laws/magic/I don't care, I just don't want peeping Tom ghosts/voodoo that prevents them spying on naked people.

see more Lol Celebs

While wandering around Walmart (evil? Yes. Let's face it: the poor oppressing the poor is evilly brilliant), on the way to the pet department, I passed the training bras. One of the tags caught my eye, specifically the brand: SWEET NOTHINGS. Hilarious. It's a line that has bras for adults, too, but that does not take away any of the amusement. At all.

Sweet Nothings manages to sound not just horribly insulting, but overtly paedophile inspired, thus disturbing. I just picture some sleazy and insanely creepy middle aged and lecherous CEO sitting in his boardroom while slavering ever so slightly. "Let's call 'em sweet nothings!" as he dreams of tasty of lolis. Paedobear would be proud/is that CEO.

Let me just start by asserting that I have nothing against normal physical activity and exercise. Exercising is an excellent way to avoid seeing a therapist or, Godzilla forbid, somebody pretending I'm their therapist. I seriously did not study psychology for a reason, namely my tendency to be impatient and roll my eyes a lot while making unnecessarily caustic comments.

People who talk about their physical fitness results and/or regimen to no goddamn end are just a pain in the ass to deal with. I'm not talking about the people who mention going off to yoga or attempting to find exercise they enjoy. I'm not even talking about the people who try to fit a regular exercise routine into their schedule and casually mention it in conversation. I'm talking about the people who bring up their bodies in conversation at stupid and/or awkward times in an effort to be appealing. Not only are their motives fairly blatant given the context of most of these conversations, they're exceptionally annoying because an assumption has to be made about the sort of person I am.

Men who do that are my specific targets here, simply because I have yet to meet a woman who has attempted to hit on me by talking about how sore her quads are from her last work out. "Yeah, I squat and thrust a lot." It's 2009, not 1009. Your attempt to display how awesome your genes and ability to protect me and our future progeny fails to inspire a surge of heat in my loins. However, it does inspire impatient sighs and calculations as to how quickly I can end the encounter. In the event of a post-nuclear fall out and limited selection of gene pools, we'll talk.

I am aware of women attempting the same bullshit with guys. In either case it screams insecurity or arrogance. Let us remember Gaston sang a song about his physical prowess, and he was a total bag of dicks. I totally echo Belle here: "Madame Gaston, can't you just see it? Madame Gaston, his little wife. No, sir, not me, I guarantee it."

Never did I imagine "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" would result in my new favourite - AND LAZY because it's easy to make and requires little effort in the morning - breakfast.

"Jon and Kate Plus Eight" is not, nor will it ever be part of my regular television viewing. The show kills my soul a little each time I watch it, because I feel so sorry for those poor kids. NEITHER Jon nor Kate is particularly inspiring or even moderately likeable. Kate needs some Xanax four years ago and Jon needs to pull his head out of his ass at least once in a while. They are a terrible match; possibly a worse match than my parents, which is saying an awful lot. That said, sometimes while channel surfing, you come across a train wreck and cannot for the life of you avert your attention.

Sara Snow made an appearance on the episode I happened to stop on, and in that episode she taught Kate this recipe: Healthy Oatmeal Cookie Snacks. Intrigued, I fired up Google and did a search for the recipe, only to stumble over Sara Snow's website. While looking around, I found my current and beloved breakfast: Energy Sustaining Breakfast Bars. They are for all intensive purposes kind of like gooey, lower sugar no-bakes, and I LOVE no-bakes. I added a quarter cup of raw pumpkin seeds to mine to boost the zinc and give them a little more crunch. The next time I make them (which I won't have to do for about two weeks) I plan to add in a quarter cup of sunflower seeds in addition to the added pumpkin seeds.

The moral of the story: channel surfing is good and Jon and Kate's messy marriage still resulted in one good thing. I doubt their children will ever share my sentiment, but excuse me for trying to play Pollyanna to their pain and suffering.

FACT: this post was mostly entirely an excuse to use the new Anne Taintor inspired icon I made.

Thanks to the brilliant suggestion of downwardlashes, I put up the cash for two months of a paid account. I really am grateful for her suggestion, because it allowed me to save about three or so days of work by altering the security level of my old journal entries in less than two minutes. Even better: I could change my mind about the security preference; which allowed me to select what I think is the perfect combination of covering up those stupid, moony pre-May of 2004 entries. I finally ended up making everything before 2006 (or was it 2005? Something like that...) private and everything between that date and May of 2008 friends only.

I honestly can't justify going friends only totally. My plan for this journal still involves taking it back in order to make it more personal.

Back to the point! Paid accounts are overrated. While I enjoy the ability to alter the security of my entries en mass, it's not something I need access to on a regular basis. Voice posts simply are not appealing to me, rarely does the insatiable desire to create a poll hit me, and I most certainly would not want to host my personal photographs on the LiveJournal server. The only regular incentive that appeals to me is the option to host up to 30 user pictures. I don't think I could justify the payments for 30 icons considering that I would actually end up using only 10 or so.

On the other hand, I have been having a lot of fun with the greater interest/journal/region/whatever search capabilities. In fact, I NEARLY added a person from Shreve, Ohio simpbly because she was from Shreve, Ohio. I decided not to add because "MY FAMILY HAS A FARM NEAR SHREVE AND I GO THERE AT LEAST ONCE EVERY YEAR AND MY DOG GETS CHASED BY THE COWS!" is not really the best basis for adding new LiveJournal friends. Ever.

Oh, and the friend of friends list is also kind of intriguing for some mysterious reason.

Please add me back. You are all added to my list but, in an attempt to get rid of the friends I had removed ages ago because their journals were never updated, I accidentally removed myself from your friends lists. OF COURSE, if you want to take this opportunity to leave me unfriended, that's cool.

2 weeks sounds like a fair period to wait for refriending, right?

I'm going to go back to my corner and continue facepalming now.

Much to my delight, changing a livejournal account name is not $160. Upon further speculation, I believe that was the price of purchasing a permanent (or whatever) journal. While I think $10 would have been a fairer price for the change, $15 wasn't so bad. I would pay the same amount of money for a nice journal at Barnes and Noble, if I were the sort to actually write in journals. This journal account also has something a new one wouldn't: 7 years of mortifying history!

( Orignal 'LAWL NEW JOURNAL' Post, before I just paid the big bucks to change this account's name )

I pretty much made that entry just to write down some books I wanted to check out. Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami and We by Robert A. Johnson.

Ever since I saw "Dick" about a decade ago, I have adored it. There honestly is not a thing I would change about the film. The music, the actors, the story, the jokes, the quote-worthiness, the Ryan Reynolds -- everything is perfect. To this day I fail to comprehend the film's lack of blatant popularity, because it is seriously fantastic.

Speaking of fantastic, I've decided that I really want to work in a bar more than I want to do a lot of other jobs. I can't honestly pinpoint the what preoccupation with barmaid occupation is, but I've harboured it for a long time. I think it just seems like it would be more fun than working in an office. Also: I'm pretty sure a lot of owners keep baseball bats behind the bar in case of over celebratory customers, and I'm sorry but that's awesome. I've narrowed down the local bars I would consider, careful to ensure I skipped all of the yuppie bars. Of the local pubs I've considered, one had a stabbing about ten years, so that's pretty exciting. Anyway, I think I'm sassy enough to pull off working in a bar.

YES, I still plan to substitute teach. Two jobs would be better than one, though. And one job that would entail work year-round is even better. I'm hoping that I can pay off my student loans in a timely manner -- potentially while incurring more! Fortunately, an information science degree is something you really can't go wrong with.

So, that's what I'm up to. That and traipsing out to the garage to find my window fan. Ah, summer.